Ridiculously overwhelmed

Potty training, diaper changes, Sippy cup refills, boo-boo kisses, breastfeeding, meal prep, laundry, dishes, toys, tears....I'm overwhelmed! I'm utterly terrified of having to run this household by myself when my Husband returns to work. My oldest had a potty training accident today and I broke out in sobs of frustration and fear. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it all, especially alone!

I was crying to my Mom who reminded me I don't have to be SuperMom. I cried to my Husband who told me it's just a season - a hard season but it too shall pass. I cried out to my Heavenly Father who assured me He will be with me every step of the way. I'm not doing this on my own and I shouldn't try.

While I'm still not sure how everything will get done, or even if it will all get done, I have peace that passes ALL UNDERSTANDING! My Father told me He would never leave me nor forsake me! So when I feel the tears welling up and the fear or anxiety rising I will cry out to the One who can calm my storms, or at least my Spirit!

Blessings!

I have been so spoiled with my Husband being home with us! He is able to take off 6 weeks from work and I'm loving it! I really am so thankful he's home right now!

To top it off, we have been insanely blessed with meals! We've received so much delicious food from women from our current and last Church that our fridge can't hold anymore! We've never before, with our other Babies, been given so many wonderful meals!

God knows we need support in that way and my amazing friends are so generous! I'm so appreciative for their homemade meals and I feel a thank you card is never enough. So in addition to the written thank you's I pray God blesses you 100 fold!!!

*Don't ever think something as 'easy' as making a meal is not a blessing - I'm here to tell you it can be a real life saver!

Praising Him through it all!

It says in God's Word that we're to praise Him without ceasing. In other words, no matter what is happening in our lives, good, bad, ugly, etc. we are to praise Him. He is perfect, never-changing, always gracious. He is worthy of our praise, whether we feel like it or not.

Today I'm not feeling much like praising Him. My back is hurting really badly and making it almost impossible to walk. I literally cannot sit down or I have a hard time getting up and walking again. I have three small children who rely on me for pretty much everything still and being in pain or laying down all day is NOT an option. I just keep praying that either this Baby will be born or God will heal me of these physical discomforts. I am so frustrated that neither is being granted.

Instead of getting angry, ok…after getting angry at God, I dug into His word to find some verses I could pray specifically from His Word! Here's what I found and I'm clinging to them!

James 5:13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I'm trusting God for my complete healing and until it's manifestation I will praise Him regardless of how I feel! I will praise Him for who He is!

Community!

I am so thankful for the women in my small group at church. They spur me on to be a better Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister and Friend. They encourage me to seek God and are such an inspirational group of women! I am so blessed to do life with them! We've been on break over the summer and I have truly missed the sense of community I have with them. Fortunately, we start up again on Tuesday and I cannot be more excited to see them all again and dig into Gods word together!

One of my small group members is currently battling cancer and WINNING! She's such a strong woman of God and gives Him all the credit for her healing! She's seen miracle after miracle during this fight for her life and she continues to seek and trust God! I'm believing for her full recover and praise God for her continual healing! What an awesome God we serve!

She's such an encouragement to me to not worry about tomorrow or what it MAY or may NOT bring! She lives out Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own!"

If you would, please join me in lifting her up in prayer for her continued healing!




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My Sustainer!

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31

I think everyone can relate to that exhaustion that sets in when you try to do it all on your own. It's easy to become weary when relying upon only ourselves. We weren't created to do it all on our own. The Lord calls us to lean on Him and He will renew us! It's a daily requirement that we must look to God for our strength or we will not last.

God promises to sustain us throughout all the days of our lives! "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you". Isaiah 46:4


So how do we obtain this sustaining strength? We ask for it! "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened". Matthew 7:7-8

Feeling run-down, overwhelmed, exhausted, weary? Ask God for his sustaining strength to renew your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual self and He WILL provide!!!







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The Reality is....

My 3 year old is not potty trained yet, my Dog hasn't been trained to do anything but potty outside, my kids have poor attitudes often and I'm exhausted trying to keep up with everything it entails to be a SAHM. The reality is life is not as perfect as it looks in blog-land. The reality is life is messy, stressful and overwhelming. The reality is only God can provide me with all I need to be the Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister and Friend that I desire to be!

It says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

It's in my times of exhaustion and overwhelming stress that God is most powerful in my life! God didn't say my life would be easy. In reality, God said it's when my life is hard that he's most powerful! His grace is sufficient and He is powerful to save!!!

Happy or Holy?

Lately I've heard a lot of people mentioning Holy vs Happy. God doesn't necessarily care that we're always happy but he does want us to be continually Holy. So I've been thinking, what exactly does it mean to be Holy?

According to Dictionary.com Holy means: dedicated or devoted to the service of God, the church, or religion: a holy man.

So God wants me to be devoted to His service and His church. Right now, in my current season of life, my family is my main Church. While doing laundry, dishes, and changing diapers may not always make me happy, it's a service to Gods children and that makes me Holy!

Nowhere in the definition does it say perfect, it simply says devoted! In serving my family I am being made Holy through service to His church.

It all comes back to not always doing what feels good or makes me happy but doing what God has called me to do! Who knew all the chores, midnight wakings and corrections were being used to make me Holy?!?

Nap Boycott

Lately sleep has been hard to come by with a sore back and frequent trips to the restroom during the middle of the night. So naps are a precious commodity around here. Unfortunately for me, the boys decided to boycott their naps today. This wouldn't have been a problem but it resulted in their little sister not sleeping very long, thus I didn't get a nap at all. Needless to say, I was one TIRED Mama! I was feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of a pity party when I simply knelt before my God and pleaded for the grace and energy to make it through the day!

While we were outside, trying to get them to run off their excess energy, I turned on a Christian station on Pandora! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Pandora?!? Anyway, the song "Your Grace is Enough" by Chris Tomlin came on and I was once again reminded that I'm not doing this thing, called life, alone! I am blessed beyond measure to have God's grace and it's ENOUGH for me!!!

"Your Grace Is Enough"

Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me [x2]

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me

35 weeks!

Today marks 35 weeks into this pregnancy! I'm so thankful that Baby girl has been moving like crazy again! I'm thrilled with each kick, jab and squirm to reassure us she's doing well! I'm definitely feeling the space crunch and really don't know how I'll stretch for another 5 weeks! I'm beyond exhausted and have been needing naps daily, which thankfully I've been able to get in! Keeping up on household chores is becoming more difficult but I'm convinced that's why God gave us the "nesting instinct" so things still get done! My blood pressure is beginning to rise so we're praying for a healthy ending to this pregnancy!

We had family photo's taken and while the kids weren't totally cooperative, the photographer did an excellent job getting some cute action shots! I really like how they turned out considering my kids just wanted to run around and play in the water fountain. All in all, it was a great evening! Here's a sneak peek!

This last one was taken by me just showing what they would rather be doing!

Miracles do happen!

As you know, I've been in Jury Duty for the last week. Basically it's just meant sitting in the basement of our county court house waiting for my name to be called. They never did call my name so I was able to read a complete book from start to finish!

Yesterday I was dismissed early from duty so I headed home for a nap while the kids were sleeping. When I woke up my hands and lips were numb/tingling. I was unsure of why I felt that way but didn't think much of it. I noticed I wasn't feeling Baby move much but just figured she was sleeping. About an hour later I still hadn't felt any movement and started getting concerned. I drank a glass of mountain dew and had a handful of m&m's, hoping the sugar and caffeine would help wake her up. Another hour passed and she still was not moving. No flutters, bumps, nothing. I was now really worried as I've never had a Baby with decreased movements.

I called into the on-call OB and awaited her instructions. Hoping I was overreacting I decided to eat dinner while I waited for her call back. Ate dinner, drank more water and laid down for a while. OB called and recommended I head into L&D. She agreed that it was better to be safe rather than sorry.

Upon arrival at L&D I was hooked up to the monitors for a Non-Stress Test. Basically it records the Baby's heart rate and any contractions. Unfortunately the Baby was not active and her heart rate was not fluctuating like they want to see. I was given some apple juice to drink, hoping it would wake her up. The juice didn't work. She wiggled once or twice but never really gave any good kicks. I was also having contractions that were causing her heart rate to drop a little lower than they like to see. A few more minutes passed and her heart rate then started to skyrocket into the 190's, which is too high.

Blood tests were run to rule out pre-eclampsia or HELLP syndrome and a urine analysis was done to rule out any bladder infections or spilling protein. All the tests came back normal. Baby was still not moving much…

The next step was an ultrasound to complete a Biophysical Profile. They rate the Baby on movements, practice breathing and fluid levels. She didn't do so well. Barely moving and didn't practice breathing at all. It was literally the most terrifying 30 minutes. The u/s Tech would push, quite hard, on my stomach, trying to get her to react and she would just lay there. I felt so helpless and scared for her life.

After the u/s we were sent back to our room to be monitored more and after another hour she did start moving a bit more so we were released and told to come into the clinic the next day for another NST.

So this morning we headed into the clinic for the repeat NST. Baby hadn't really been moving much through the night or early morning, which is very unusual for her. The first half of the NST she failed, not moving much at all and little fluctuations in her heart rate. I was again given some juice and she did finally perk up a little. My OB was ok with the second half of the NST but was worried that the first half hadn't met his expectations. So I was sent to the hospital for a repeat ultrasound.

This time I had eaten lunch and Baby passed with flying colors! We got to see her practice breathing and wiggling. It's such a miracle to see this little life forming! She was measured and weighs approximately 6 pounds at this point! We're 34 weeks 3 days and she's measuring 36 weeks! We know these are approximates but we're happy she seems to be growing well!

She's been moving well this afternoon! We're so thankful to everyone who prayed for her health and protection! Thankful to God for healing her and reviving her body and energy! So excited to meet her in a few short weeks!!!

Last Resort or First Call for Help?!?

I tend to be very DIY in every area of my life. Being raised by a single Mom, I learned from a young age to be very independent. We didn't need help, mainly because it didn't exist. We learned a lot about how to do anything we wanted done. We fixed things around the house, traveled in our RV, etc. Not having help from a Husband/Father never stopped us!

Unfortunately, that independence has transferred into every area of my adult life as well. I'm learning, ever so slowly, that I can't do it all. I can't be SuperMom/Wife or even a decent Mom/Wife if I don't look to my creator first.

My Husband refuses to teach me how to use any power tools. At first I was offended because I thought he was hoarding that knowledge. Then I realized he wants to be able to do something for me that I'm unable to do myself. My Husband wants to feel needed in my life and wants me to rely upon him.

I think God feels the same way. I often picture Him saying, "If only you would rely on ME, this wouldn't be so difficult"!

I've always gone to God when things are BAD! I seek Him as a last resort vs calling on Him for my first defense. I figure - if I can fix it, on my own, I will. Problem is, it says very clearly in the Word that I've got it backwards!

In Matthew 6:33 it says 'But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.'

So instead of looking to myself for whatever it is I may need, I should be seeking God! Only God can give me the grace, patience and wisdom I need to Parent my Children. Only God can give me the heart of understanding and submission I need to be a Good Wife to my Husband. Only God can provide all my needs and He can only fulfill them if I'm seeking Him FIRST!!!

What are some ways you seek God before trying to figure out life on your own?!?

All-Consuming Desires

Cobi has become a grasshopper hunting fiend. All he talks about when we're in the house is catching grasshoppers. When we are outside he doesn't take his eyes off the grass for more than 30 seconds. Finding & catching grasshoppers has become his all-consuming desire. He even enlists help from his Daddy, Brother & Sister. He wakes up thinking of and talking about grasshoppers and goes to bed asking about catching more tomorrow. I'm sure he probably dreams of catching those "great jumpers", as he calls them!

The cry of my heart is that I would have this all-consuming passion to seek God. I feel myself becoming more complacent and luke-warm in my walk with God. It takes time, energy & dedication to be great at anything. The same goes for my relationship with my Redeemer. I have to set aside time to seek His face. Forsaking everything else to be in his presence.

Just like my Jacobi doesn't swing, chase ball, or play in the sandbox so he can devote all of his attention on the grasshopper, so must I put aside earthly things, like tv, reading or even sleeping- in order to protect my relationship with my God!

So my challenge to myself, and you if you choose to accept, is to put off one earthly thing today and spend QUALITY time with our Maker! It's not about the quantity of time spent seeking His Face, it's simply about making whatever time you've got quality time! Put away the distractions, stressors and to-do lists of life and focus soley on God!

He loves you and yearns to spend time with you!!!