Yep, I'm emotional

Today brought quite a few emotions and they were not all pleasant. I'm extremely emotional, as I have been during each postpartum period. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm exhausted, I'm elated, I'm EMOTIONAL! I think I've cried 3 or 4 times today and my poor Husband has been left to pick up the pieces. Everything sets me off. I'm frustrated that I can't clean my house like I want. I'm frustrated that my Kids are all wanting my attention and I can't figure out how to divide it out fairly. I'm sore from just having had a Baby. I'm tired from end of pregnancy and now breastfeeding. I'm anxious about keeping everybody healthy and happy. I'm just overwhelmed.

I know this is all part of being postpartum but it's still hard. My Husband has been so wonderful to me. He's taking care of our "older kids" so I can rest. He's taking care of the meals and housework. He's also playing psychiatrist and nurse for me. He's such a blessing to our family! I'm really so very thankful for him!

Thank you Lord for my Husband. And Thank you Husband for being such a Godly Man!

Released Early!

So, I know I had said I was going to take the full two days of hospital stay BUT I quickly remembered how much I really do hate hospitals. I couldn't get comfortable in the bed and as soon as I would fall asleep the nurses would come in needing to do their job. So when my OB asked if I wanted to go home I quickly said yes! It didn't help any that my Husband was home with our "older kids" all day on Tuesday and I was missing them all. So I was discharged and we came home to get life started as a family of 6!!!

Micah finally warmed up to Adalee and asked to hold her!

Knight in Shining Armor

Today I am so thankful for my Husband, a.k.a. my Knight in Shining Armor! I developed a migraine that was different from the migraines I've experienced in the past. Both of my arms and my face went numb. I was terrified I was preeclamptic and didn't want to risk a seizure. I also had really bad double vision, that made lunch prep almost impossible! Plus, my head was in pain from the migraine. It was decided I should probably be seen to rule out any preeclampsia.

My Husband raced home from work to watch the kids and take me to L&D. Upon arrival my blood pressure was elevated quite a bit at 156/93. The Dr. treating me was concerned about preeclampsia and almost started a magnesium drip, which is used to prevent seizures. Preeclampsia is defined as blood pressures of anything over 140/90 AND spilling protein into the urine. There was talk of an emergency c-section and I needed my Husband by my side so he even found a Babysitter to watch our kids so he could join me in the L&D. Thank God I was not spilling any protein and after a medication was administered my blood pressure returned to normal.

We were released and told to rest. Yeah right, rest with 3 small children at home. HA! Well, actually my Knight whisked me off to bed and dealt with the kids until I was feeling better. I was literally passed out cold in bed for about 4 hours and he took care of the house, dog and kids the whole time! I could tell he was tired when I woke up but instead of going to lay down himself, he made us dinner and then shipped me back off to bed.

I am so thankful for this man that God has placed in my life. I don't say it enough but Thank you Hubby for being my Knight in Shining Armor. I am so proud of the Husband, Father, employee, etc you are. I am honored to be your Wife and pray our Daughters marry someone just like you some day!

Missing my little ones

No, I'm not talking about the three children I live with and I'm not even talking about the little lady stretching and kicking in my womb. I'm missing my two babies that are waiting for us in Heaven. I often wonder what life would be like if we hadn't lost Urijah. Would we have the children we have now? Would we be where we are in life now? What about if we hadn't lost Aubrey? She'd be about one month old right now. How would her siblings feel about her? How would they be reacting to her?

I wonder what Heaven is like. What are they doing right now? I'm sure they're loving every moment with Jesus but I sure do miss them. We may have only had them for a moment here on Earth but I'm thankful for their lives. I wish things were different but I praise God for the three, almost four, wonder blessings we do have here in our arms.

We named both of our babies that we lost and I often wonder if we chose the right names since we won't "know" their gender until we meet them someday in Heaven. I'm glad they at least have names, I just hope they're right! I know it won't matter in the end but every life deserves a name!

I wonder if we would have six children here on earth if we hadn't lost our two babies. Or would we have stopped sooner? Would we have Jacobi, Micah, Shaelyn or this Baby Girl? Would these other children be with us? I long for the day I can see my babies again.

Urijah and Aubrey, Mama loves you and misses you! I hope you're proud of your family!!! I can't wait to meet you and see who you look like! I bet you're both gorgeous, just like your Brothers and Sisters!

Last Resort or First Call for Help?!?

I tend to be very DIY in every area of my life. Being raised by a single Mom, I learned from a young age to be very independent. We didn't need help, mainly because it didn't exist. We learned a lot about how to do anything we wanted done. We fixed things around the house, traveled in our RV, etc. Not having help from a Husband/Father never stopped us!

Unfortunately, that independence has transferred into every area of my adult life as well. I'm learning, ever so slowly, that I can't do it all. I can't be SuperMom/Wife or even a decent Mom/Wife if I don't look to my creator first.

My Husband refuses to teach me how to use any power tools. At first I was offended because I thought he was hoarding that knowledge. Then I realized he wants to be able to do something for me that I'm unable to do myself. My Husband wants to feel needed in my life and wants me to rely upon him.

I think God feels the same way. I often picture Him saying, "If only you would rely on ME, this wouldn't be so difficult"!

I've always gone to God when things are BAD! I seek Him as a last resort vs calling on Him for my first defense. I figure - if I can fix it, on my own, I will. Problem is, it says very clearly in the Word that I've got it backwards!

In Matthew 6:33 it says 'But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.'

So instead of looking to myself for whatever it is I may need, I should be seeking God! Only God can give me the grace, patience and wisdom I need to Parent my Children. Only God can give me the heart of understanding and submission I need to be a Good Wife to my Husband. Only God can provide all my needs and He can only fulfill them if I'm seeking Him FIRST!!!

What are some ways you seek God before trying to figure out life on your own?!?

We're getting a new…PET?

As I've mentioned before, my Husband loves all things nature/animal. His newest fascination is with chameleon's. He's spent HOURS researching everything from their cages to their food (crickets, SICK), breeding and life cycles. He's addicted! He gets this way about an animal every year or so. First it was fish, salt water, fresh water, it didn't matter. He has had dozens of different varieties of fish.

We currently only have a Beta and Algae Eater in our Kitchen, weird spot, I know. Anyway, he's also had a Bird and Turtles, both of which he had to give away when I was running my Daycare. I feel so badly that he had to give up those animals that I gave in to his request for a chameleon.

I'm not looking forward to the crickets chirping all the time but when I presented this complaint to him he dutifully did his research and found a way around the chirping, just buy younger crickets who don't have wings yet…still grosses me out!!! (Side note: I was going to post a picture of a ton of crickets but they just make me gag so I decided against it. You're welcome!)
So where will said chameleon go? Well, chameleon's don't like a lot of attention so a place in our main living area would NOT work well with our young children who would undoubtedly enjoy making their presence known. The bathroom is too small and dark so that leaves…yep, our bedroom! How romantic. ;)

We've cleared off the side of our dresser and he's going to mount our tv, which I've wanted to happen for a while anyway! So at the end of the month he will be a proud new owner of a chameleon and I'll be grossed out to come into my own bedroom. I really hope I'm overreacting and they're not as gross as I think they'll be.

Oh, the things we do for LOVE!