One of me - FOUR of you!

It feels like I'm constantly being pulled in a million different directions every day. I feel like I'm stuck on repeat as I keep telling my kids, "there's only one of me and FOUR of you". I know they don't yet understand why Mama can't change their diaper, refill their drink, snuggle or hold them right this second.

I feel terrible when I have to choose which request is most important. I want my Children to all feel important to me always! This is such a hard season since I'm nursing Adee and thus can't just put her down and plop a bottle into her mouth, not that I would do that anyway. I get so frustrated having to decide if I should stop nursing Adee to change a diaper or tickle a tummy of one of my older kiddos. I just pray that they feel my love all the time. I try my hardest to get in good quality time with each of my kids and take notice when one of them is having an especially clingy day - that's my cue to try a little harder! I just pray for grace to make it through the days alone with all four of them! The housework will probably be pushed to the wayside because the dust bunnies can wait while I'm loving on my Babies!

Letter to my 4-year old!

Jacobi, today you turn 4 years old! I'm so happy you're 4 but I'm also so sad that you're already 4. I really feel like you were just born! I honestly remember everything from the day you were born! I will never forget the day you were gifted to us from God!

Your first year of life was quite hard on all of us. You cried and cried and cried, all the time for the first 4 months. The only thing that calmed you down was bouncing in your bouncy seat. We bounced you in it so often that it broke and we had to make a midnight run to Walmart to buy another one. It became a running joke because I wouldn't leave the house without your bouncy seat!

From about 5 months on you were such a happy baby! You started sitting the day you turned 6 months old, crawling at 8 months and walking at 10 months! Always ahead of the curve!

You became a big brother before you even turned 2 years old. You loved your brother from day 1 and although you're far too rough with him while playing, you're just as protective when the need arrises!

And you had a little sister before you turned 3 years old! Again you were a great big brother to her! You still love on her to this day!

And once again, you became a big brother for the third time right before your 4th birthday! You've taken to your littlest sister so sweetly! You're such a big helper!

You are my firstborn and you know it! You love to take the lead & be in charge. You've got a lot of responsibility because your younger Brother & Sisters look up to you & follow your example.

I'm so stinkin' proud of you! You're potty training and doing very well! Because you have had many seizures you've had some setbacks, including potty training, but you're picking it up!

You're such a sweet boy! Always looking after your Baby Sister & wanting to hold her. You're rough & tumble but able to comfort when the time comes. You love your Siblings!

We're so blessed to call you our Son! We pray you're healthy, happy & drawn closer to the Lord everyday during the rest of your life! It's been a great 4 years being your Mama!

Ridiculously overwhelmed

Potty training, diaper changes, Sippy cup refills, boo-boo kisses, breastfeeding, meal prep, laundry, dishes, toys, tears....I'm overwhelmed! I'm utterly terrified of having to run this household by myself when my Husband returns to work. My oldest had a potty training accident today and I broke out in sobs of frustration and fear. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it all, especially alone!

I was crying to my Mom who reminded me I don't have to be SuperMom. I cried to my Husband who told me it's just a season - a hard season but it too shall pass. I cried out to my Heavenly Father who assured me He will be with me every step of the way. I'm not doing this on my own and I shouldn't try.

While I'm still not sure how everything will get done, or even if it will all get done, I have peace that passes ALL UNDERSTANDING! My Father told me He would never leave me nor forsake me! So when I feel the tears welling up and the fear or anxiety rising I will cry out to the One who can calm my storms, or at least my Spirit!

Reminded again….

Last night while laying in bed, desperately trying to get my 11-day old back to sleep, I began to cry out of frustration. I cried out to God asking why I had ANOTHER Baby who doesn't burp well or sleep well. And that still, small voice spoke 5 words that rattled my core: "At least you have her".

I've had two miscarriages and I know the pain that comes with loss. I know the ache felt whenever a new Mom would complain about being sleep deprived when all I longed for was the chance to hold my Babies in my arms. I've seen too many women lose their Babies to miscarriage, stillbirth and even SIDS. I must remember how much of a blessing it is to have this sweet Daughter of God.

While it may not always be perfect or peaceful with these children, it is none-the-less a miracle! I praise God for a quiver full and know that he's my source of strength. So I'm reminded once again to seek Him and be thankful for these Babies!

The end is near!

On Tuesday I had my 38 week check up.  I've lost 1 pound, which isn't a lot but after gaining as much as I have with each pregnancy - it feels nice to not go up anymore! Baby sounded good and is still very active, to the point of causing pain!

Unfortunately, my blood pressure was up again this week.  My OB sent me to L&D for monitoring and to check labs to rule out pre-eclampsia. The labs came back normal but my blood pressure was around 148/102.....far too high.  So, for the health of myself and little lady we will be inducing labor on Monday.  I'm praying labor will start on its own before then.  If it doesn't I'm hopeful that simply breaking my water will cause active labor. 

At my last appointment I was dilated to 3 cm and about 50% effaced.  4 cm is considered active labor so we don't have far to go.  I would definitely appreciate any prayers for a fast, safe & healthy labor and delivery.  Especially for no hemorrhage. 

So now it's a waiting game! I'm so anxious to meet this little lady and see what she looks like and what her personality is! I'm insanely excited to breastfeed her and develop another bond with a precious gift from God!

*I wonder who she will look most like! Cobi is top left. Micah is top right. Shaelyn is bottom left.

Hospital Vacation!

I think this is the first time I've ever looked forward to a hospital stay. I'm in so much pain and have zero patience left for anything and anybody. I'm literally drained and it takes every ounce of grace that God gives for me to get out of bed in the morning. I feel like my kids are testing every single limit and pushing every button they can, literally & figuratively. I feel guilty because I'm not the Wife or Mom I want to be right now. My house is a disaster, dishes are piled in the sink, laundry is overflowing the basket and I have vacuumed in too long. I'm done!

I need a vacation! While being stuck on an uncomfortable hospital bed, with an IV and nurses bugging me, doesn't really sound like a vacation - I'm really looking forward to no responsibilities aside from feeding, cuddling & loving on this little lady! I won't have to plan, prep & cook any meals for two whole days! I won't have to do dishes or laundry, vacuum or make beds. I won't have to clean up toys or hear any back-talk for TWO WHOLE DAYS!!!!!

To top it all off when I see my kids again, after Baby is born, I'll be full of loving hormones and will forget about how hard these last few weeks have been. I'll miss my kids and look forward to seeing them again. I'll have a new-found sense of love for my kids again and a renewed energy to be the best Mama I can be.

So yes, I am, very much looking forward to my hospital vacation! I plan to take full advantage of every service offered and just soak up newborn bliss! I'm hoping this vacation comes SOON!!!

37 Weeks! Full-Term!

Ooffdah! Today marks 37 weeks into this pregnancy! We're now full-term so Baby can come anytime she is ready! I'm beyond done being pregnant but seriously thankful for the blessing that is this child growing in my womb!

Every time I start to feel "woe is me" I simply remember those who are unable to have children. Lately I've been focusing on Psalm 127:3-5 Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

I am anxious to meet this little person, to see what she looks like, to smell her and hear her little baby sounds! I'm excited to see my older children respond to her and love on her. I'm excited to have my body back!

Sleep has really become a dreadful time. My SPD is flaring up and it's incredibly hard to get comfortable lying down. I just pray for the continued strength and endurance to finish this pregnancy!

Hopefully soon we will get to meet this little lady in person! Until then, I praise God for a healthy pregnancy and will trust in Him for the perfect timing of her birth!

37 weeks! The belly button has popped out - I'd say that means she's done! Don't mind the wood chips - I had just been sat on by a certain 19 month old, Shaelyn after she fell in the backyard!

36 weeks!

Today marks 36 weeks into this, our final, pregnancy! I'm thankful that the timing of her birth is not up to me! I'm feeling very physically DONE and am convinced pregnancy lasts about four weeks too long!! God knows what He's doing in creating this life so I'll trust in Him and wait patiently for this miracle to make her entrance!

This past weekend we were blessed with tickets to a Twin's Game! The boys, all three of them, had a great time! It was COLD, which I loved! We rode on the light rail to get to the stadium.

It was our second trip on the train and the kids did great again! It was standing room only on the way out to the stadium and Micah was truly in Heaven getting to stand, or rather fall, during the stops and starts!

Our seats were up rather high but it was still a great time!

The Boys ended up watching movies on our phones more than the actual game but they were really well behaved so it worked out great!

Tomorrow is the start of weekly OB visits which should help this final month go by a little more quickly! I've been having loads of prodromal labor, which is basically just lots of practice contractions - not braxton hicks but really painful contractions. I've had prodromal labor with every pregnancy so I know not to get too worked up about it but it is exciting to feel my body "doing" something. I'm praying this labor and delivery will be smooth and we'll both be healthy!!

Happy or Holy?

Lately I've heard a lot of people mentioning Holy vs Happy. God doesn't necessarily care that we're always happy but he does want us to be continually Holy. So I've been thinking, what exactly does it mean to be Holy?

According to Dictionary.com Holy means: dedicated or devoted to the service of God, the church, or religion: a holy man.

So God wants me to be devoted to His service and His church. Right now, in my current season of life, my family is my main Church. While doing laundry, dishes, and changing diapers may not always make me happy, it's a service to Gods children and that makes me Holy!

Nowhere in the definition does it say perfect, it simply says devoted! In serving my family I am being made Holy through service to His church.

It all comes back to not always doing what feels good or makes me happy but doing what God has called me to do! Who knew all the chores, midnight wakings and corrections were being used to make me Holy?!?

Nap Boycott

Lately sleep has been hard to come by with a sore back and frequent trips to the restroom during the middle of the night. So naps are a precious commodity around here. Unfortunately for me, the boys decided to boycott their naps today. This wouldn't have been a problem but it resulted in their little sister not sleeping very long, thus I didn't get a nap at all. Needless to say, I was one TIRED Mama! I was feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of a pity party when I simply knelt before my God and pleaded for the grace and energy to make it through the day!

While we were outside, trying to get them to run off their excess energy, I turned on a Christian station on Pandora! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Pandora?!? Anyway, the song "Your Grace is Enough" by Chris Tomlin came on and I was once again reminded that I'm not doing this thing, called life, alone! I am blessed beyond measure to have God's grace and it's ENOUGH for me!!!

"Your Grace Is Enough"

Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me [x2]

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me

35 weeks!

Today marks 35 weeks into this pregnancy! I'm so thankful that Baby girl has been moving like crazy again! I'm thrilled with each kick, jab and squirm to reassure us she's doing well! I'm definitely feeling the space crunch and really don't know how I'll stretch for another 5 weeks! I'm beyond exhausted and have been needing naps daily, which thankfully I've been able to get in! Keeping up on household chores is becoming more difficult but I'm convinced that's why God gave us the "nesting instinct" so things still get done! My blood pressure is beginning to rise so we're praying for a healthy ending to this pregnancy!

We had family photo's taken and while the kids weren't totally cooperative, the photographer did an excellent job getting some cute action shots! I really like how they turned out considering my kids just wanted to run around and play in the water fountain. All in all, it was a great evening! Here's a sneak peek!

This last one was taken by me just showing what they would rather be doing!

Nothing Nice to Say

During Jury Duty I was able to read, from cover-to-cover, a book written by Joyce Meyer, 'Living Beyond Your Feelings'. It was such a good read! I highly recommend you take the time to read it!

One of the main points I got from the book was that speaking your feelings only makes them seem worse. I've really been trying not to complain about the aches and pains of pregnancy. I don't have easy pregnancies, by any means, but I'm blessed to be pregnant. After losing two Babies and the recent scare with this Baby - I really am thankful for the aches and pains.

I'm putting out the call for accountability! I need to reign in my complaints and not focus so much on the down-sides of pregnancy, rather focus on the miracle that is forming inside my womb! I'm too blessed to be stressed and praise God for what I've been given.

Please call me out on any complaints you hear from here on out!

Happy Friday!

Thank God it's Friday! I only wish that meant my Husband was home tomorrow…

Here's a little song/poem a Friend of mine shared that I wanted to pass along to all of you!

"Song for a Fifth Child"
(by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton)

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.


So my question for you: How do YOU maintain a clean home while enjoying your children?!? It can be quite overwhelming so any tips are much appreciated!

Miracles do happen!

As you know, I've been in Jury Duty for the last week. Basically it's just meant sitting in the basement of our county court house waiting for my name to be called. They never did call my name so I was able to read a complete book from start to finish!

Yesterday I was dismissed early from duty so I headed home for a nap while the kids were sleeping. When I woke up my hands and lips were numb/tingling. I was unsure of why I felt that way but didn't think much of it. I noticed I wasn't feeling Baby move much but just figured she was sleeping. About an hour later I still hadn't felt any movement and started getting concerned. I drank a glass of mountain dew and had a handful of m&m's, hoping the sugar and caffeine would help wake her up. Another hour passed and she still was not moving. No flutters, bumps, nothing. I was now really worried as I've never had a Baby with decreased movements.

I called into the on-call OB and awaited her instructions. Hoping I was overreacting I decided to eat dinner while I waited for her call back. Ate dinner, drank more water and laid down for a while. OB called and recommended I head into L&D. She agreed that it was better to be safe rather than sorry.

Upon arrival at L&D I was hooked up to the monitors for a Non-Stress Test. Basically it records the Baby's heart rate and any contractions. Unfortunately the Baby was not active and her heart rate was not fluctuating like they want to see. I was given some apple juice to drink, hoping it would wake her up. The juice didn't work. She wiggled once or twice but never really gave any good kicks. I was also having contractions that were causing her heart rate to drop a little lower than they like to see. A few more minutes passed and her heart rate then started to skyrocket into the 190's, which is too high.

Blood tests were run to rule out pre-eclampsia or HELLP syndrome and a urine analysis was done to rule out any bladder infections or spilling protein. All the tests came back normal. Baby was still not moving much…

The next step was an ultrasound to complete a Biophysical Profile. They rate the Baby on movements, practice breathing and fluid levels. She didn't do so well. Barely moving and didn't practice breathing at all. It was literally the most terrifying 30 minutes. The u/s Tech would push, quite hard, on my stomach, trying to get her to react and she would just lay there. I felt so helpless and scared for her life.

After the u/s we were sent back to our room to be monitored more and after another hour she did start moving a bit more so we were released and told to come into the clinic the next day for another NST.

So this morning we headed into the clinic for the repeat NST. Baby hadn't really been moving much through the night or early morning, which is very unusual for her. The first half of the NST she failed, not moving much at all and little fluctuations in her heart rate. I was again given some juice and she did finally perk up a little. My OB was ok with the second half of the NST but was worried that the first half hadn't met his expectations. So I was sent to the hospital for a repeat ultrasound.

This time I had eaten lunch and Baby passed with flying colors! We got to see her practice breathing and wiggling. It's such a miracle to see this little life forming! She was measured and weighs approximately 6 pounds at this point! We're 34 weeks 3 days and she's measuring 36 weeks! We know these are approximates but we're happy she seems to be growing well!

She's been moving well this afternoon! We're so thankful to everyone who prayed for her health and protection! Thankful to God for healing her and reviving her body and energy! So excited to meet her in a few short weeks!!!

Lesson learned...

The other day my Husband was getting ready for work when our garbage disposal suddenly stopped working. I LOVE my in-sink disposal and have become quite accustomed to using it. I'm not kidding, it literally gets used at each meal and quite often for snacks too. I freaked out when it stopped working! My Husband, who was already dressed in his work attire, came to my rescue and tried to figure out what was wrong with my favorite kitchen accommodation!

He was trying to figure it out when he accidentally stuck his work shirt covered arm under the running water. I got upset for him and couldn't believe that he just rolled up his sleeve and kept working. He didn't skip a beat while I was getting more and more upset as the seconds ticked by. I even asked him why he wasn't mad about his shirt getting wet. I would have been throwing a fit by this point…wait, I already was.

He simply explained that it wasn't that big of a deal, his shirt wasn't that wet, it would dry and if it caused a problem he could change quick before leaving. I was stunned. Why had I overreacted so quickly. Plenty of households don't have garbage disposals. I didn't have one until moving into this house and we managed just fine without it. So why was I so upset?

Seriously? Life has become one upset after another for me. I used to just let things roll off my back, not getting worked up about anything. Why have I become so emotional about every little thing that doesn't go my way? Life isn't perfect, I know that. So why do I get so bent out of shape when life happens?

My poor family has been living with a crazed, overly-emotional, Mother who has totally unrealistic expectations for every area of her life. I expect perfection from everyone and every situation when in reality - I'm so far from reacting perfectly! I throw fits just like my three year old whenever something goes differently than I had planned.

But it says in God's word in Proverbs 17:27 The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.

EVEN-tempered. In other words, not blowing a gasket or having a melt-down any time something doesn't go my way. Not throwing a temper tantrum when the kids are misbehaving, when the garbage disposal is not working or when I'm not sleeping well. It means using restraint in my emotions when I feel like the world is ending. God never told me life would be perfect but he did say that His grace is sufficient and I should rely upon Him to fulfill all of my needs!

How do you remain even-tempered when life is not going your way?

No more Babies for us.

Four children under the age of four, living in two bedrooms, with one income is hard (and one of the four isn't even born yet)! I've been pregnant or nursing for the last five years straight! Pregnancy and breastfeeding are taxing on the human body. I'm exhausted and my body is not handling the added stress very well. My thyroid is not functioning as it should and now I'm on medicine to control my heart rate! Needless to say, having anymore children is probably not wise on our part.

Yes, we've prayed about whether or not we should have more kids. We both feel at peace that the answer is NO! We've got the perfect sib-set of two older boys and two younger girls. Our children are happy and healthy and all we could ask for! So why am I so concerned about it?

I was watching my kiddos play outside today when it hit me how grown up my Baby Girl is getting. She's running around with her Brother's, speaking so many words/sentences, and just overall acting like a Big Girl!

I was comforted in the fact that I'll get to go through the Baby stage again with this little lady. But then I was struck by the realization that when this Baby grows up we're not having anymore babies. No more nursing, no more swaddling, no more total dependance. While I am looking forward to no more diapers, middle-of-the-night-feedings, and sleep deprivation - I will miss the smells, sounds and feelings that only newborn babies bring.

I'm so thankful for my Children and am so blessed to be their Mama! I just have to trust God to continue to grant me peace with the decision to have no more babies after this little lady! I plan to relish in every single second of newborn bliss with this Baby and continue to soak up every moment with these children as they grow and change before my very eyes!

Boys Room Design

Now that the Girls Room is done and the Laundry Room is done and the Kitchen is done I feel like I should give the Boys room a little TLC. They're destructive, rough and tumble boys-boys…so I'm a little leery to put anything too "nice" into their room just yet.

Right now they have NOTHING on their walls and the only things not locked in their closet is their beds and a tub of stuffed animals. We have their name letters that their Grammie gave them but they knocked those off the walls a few weeks ago. I guess the only thing I can really do is slap some paint on the walls and ask their Auntie to paint a mural or something.

Back when Jacobi was a BABY his Auntie Jamie painted a mural of fish and corals on the wall in his nursery! It was so cute!!

So far I'm thinking either Bible verses or a mural hand painted by their Auntie

OR stripes of blues, greens and browns. Their bed spreads are striped with the same colors so it would coordinate nicely. Or do I paint each wall a different color? Or accent with thin stripes of colors vs thick stripes? Or, or, or… I'm so lost! I have too many idea's floating around and not much time to get them done! I would love to have their room looking cuter before this Baby arrives which gives me about a month and a half…

Basically my only options are painting or wall-papering something on the walls. Nothing hanging on the walls, no shelves, no more toys, etc. HELP! I have no idea what to do!!!

Nesting - NOT for the faint of heart

I don't know what it is about this pregnancy, ahem Pinterest, that is making me feel the need to nest like crazy! So, the Girls Room is DONE! The Laundry Room is DONE! My family room is as DONE as it gets with this ever-expanding, always changing quad-set of littles. So naturally I need to work on the Kitchen & Dining Room next! Here's where it goes a little haywire.

Here in our humble abode we like spices! We have a TON of them! Problem is, they're not stored in a very intelligent way so we can't ever see what we do or do not have. Thus, we end up buying six jars of oregano, not realizing there's already 5 other jars in the drawer. So I did a little web browsing and found Jen's Spice Organization. While I liked the idea of hanging the spices in magnetic jars, hers were too small and too expensive for my taste. Plus, the way my cupboards are arranged I didn't have much space to hang jars inside the cupboards. Instead, we headed to IKEA, my favorite store in the whole world, and found THESE! They're big enough to hold all of our spices and a little more cost effective! I picked up 12 in the store and grabbed the 13 I had in my basement to complete the necessary storage for the 25 spices I needed homes for! The top section is baking spices and the bottom section is cooking spices.

I slapped some labels on them, labeling as I went so I knew what spices were what. Next up was just arranging them on our fridge!

In all reality it probably won't stay this nice all the time but being my OCD self, it might! Time will tell how well these work but so far I'm loving them! Bonus: they freed up counter space, a cupboard shelf and a drawer!!!

Next up was the utensil's chaos that was taking up counter space in a poor way and a drawer. I divided them into groups and placed them in pretty containers with labels! Cooking: serving spoons, wooden spoons, and tong's. Knives: Pretty self-explanatory here, all of our cooking/steak knives are in this one. Finally Baking: spatula's, whisks, and the rolling pin are stored in here.

I then moved onto the cupboards and condensed things into like-grouped baskets. Labeled the bins and put them back into their home. I wish I had taken a before shot because it looks bare naked inside now!

With some more rearranging, thanks to the spices being moved, I was able to bring my towels from the Dining Room into the Kitchen, where they belong since that's where they're used most!

I was also able to move my baggies, aluminum foil and other misc baking/cooking papers into a drawer!

Last up, a cookbook stand to fill the empty area next to the stove and making cooking easier! I found a nice and inexpensive one at Target!

The only things left to do now are find something to put on top of our fridge so it doesn't look like such empty space and Paint!!! Ok, realistically the painting will probably have to wait until next summer…but I can start looking at colors now!!!


Your turn! Did you nest during your pregnancy? If so, was it just Baby-related nesting or whole house flipping?!?